The Micro-Micro Parties

 This week I’m going to take a quick look at the parties which failed to make last week’s top 7 list. Whether by vice of pursuing a platform so far from mainstream politics, having incompetent leadership, being so obscure that only their mums dads and immediate family have ever heard of them or by virtue of not wanting to actually get elected into parliament, these parties will never make it into parliament.

  1. The Bill and Ben Party: The joke party that got votes than the Alliance, Worker’s Party and RAM combined during last year’s general election. Despite this, they don’t actually have any policies or a philosophy which can rise above the cliched rantings of a drunken fresher. They probably wouldn’t want to get in anyway and would probably pull out at the first sign of them reaching the 5% threshold.
  2. Direct Democracy Party: The party that aimed to promote swiss style binding referendums headed by a Maori separatist by the name of Kelvyn Alp. Got into intellectual catfights with David Farrar and other bloggers at the 2005 election then faded away. Need I say more?
  3. The Family Party: Contested the 2008 election on the basis of protecting families claiming to represent ‘pro-family traditional Christians.’ Targeted the same audience as the Pacific Party without the malus of a court judgment. Did worse than the Bill and Ben Party, not since heard from.
  4. Aotearoa Legalize Cannabis Party: Electorally redundant as the Green Party shares a broadly similar approach to Cannabis legalization. Single issue parties don’t tend to do well in an economic recession either, especially ones about legalizing weed.
  5. New World Order Party: Promised an end to world poverty and to unify the world under a “New World Order.” Received free broadcasting time but did not contest the 2008 election. To this day, I’m still unsure whether or not they were serious or a highly talented performance art troupe.
  6. Republic of New Zealand Party: Used as a vehicle to advance party leader Kerry Bevin’s anti-feminist policies. Supports the abolition of the Treaty of Waitangi. Has done more damage to the Republican cause in New Zealand than that Republican guy who threw shit at the Queen. Would’ve done better as a single-issue party….
  7. The New Zealand National Front: The only party that can call protests and be outnumbered by counter protesters by 10 to 1. The only party that can splinter 3 different pieces in a single year. The only party that is just so totally incompetent that they’ve never managed to get themselves on the ballot. A far-right racist party intent on creating a white only New Zealand. Let’s hope they don’t figure out anytime soon.

One response to “The Micro-Micro Parties

  1. “Has done more damage to the Republican cause in New Zealand than that Republican guy who threw shit at the Queen.”

    Amen to that!

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